Well, for those of you that follow my blog I want to apologize for the long delay in writing. The past few months have been challenging to say the least. So, I’ll backtrack a little and catch you up-to-date.
So, funds for personal training ran out at the end of May. I continued to go to the gym sporadically throughout June and a few times in July. Then panic and depression started to set. It had been 13-months since I lost my job, my business didn’t do anything productive… other than teach me some basics of starting a business, I had sent out lots and lots of copies of my resumé with little to no response. At the end of July I was offerd a low-paying job at a call center doing technical support calls. I wasn’t looking forward to the call center job, but had to accept it.
I started the call center and continued sending out resumés. Finally, I interviewed for a job that I would potentially enjoy and finally got it. I had gone through 3 weeks (out of 5) of training at the call center. I was the oldest person there and had more experience than the trainer. I found out on a Friday morning I go the new job and would start that following Monday (3 days later). So, I went in at my scheduled time to the call center to give my notice. I didn’t just want to call in and say, “I quit!” As the attendance was being taken, I walked up to the front to talk to the trainer (he had just gotten there) and handed in my ID and key card. I told him I got the new job. The other folks in the class (most of which were around age 21-23) started asking why I was leaving, etc. One of them spoke up and said, “you can’t leave, you’re the smartest person in here.” Then they all applauded for me since I got the new job. I must say, that was the best “quitting-my-job” experience I’ve EVER had. I started working as a Student Services Representative at a local career college. It’s been a little over two months and things are going well on the job.
Now things on the health and fitness front have not gone so well. I haven’t been to the gym since my visit in July. I’ve put weight back on. I walk with the limp because the arthritis in my left knee is killing me. I want to be working out. I need to be working out. Now it’s a matter of making it happen. At this point, I just want to stop feeling miserable all the time. My clothes are tight, my knees hurt, and I always feel tired and exhausted. I could also stand to work-off some anger and frustration and some ticked-off-ness. “Anger turned inwards is depression” and the ‘inwards’ is starting to spit it out. I believe Steph would approve of working that energy off at the gym. 🙂
Plan Z: Go to the gym Tuesday evening. Even if it’s only for 30 minutes. Why not go tonight you ask? Well, among all the drama-based excuses that seem to be flooding my life, I need to take my poor BoBo kitty cat to the vet this evening for the last time… as in… it’s time for kitty-heaven. He’s been battling kidney failure since September 22nd. I’ve done everything that I and the vet know to do including giving him IV fluids daily for the past 10 days.
So, please say a prayer. Loss seems to be the state-of-being for me over the past year and a half. Based on feedback I’ve received from some close friends and my own personal reflection, my approach in dealing with loss apparently isn’t the best option. Turns out that bottling it up inside and only letting a little bit out every few months in very small increments doesn’t really help anything or anybody.
Here’s to letting go and going to the gym!!
~ Michelle
Michelle's Quest 